onemoreweek

Belated: Birth Story, June 3, 2009.

2009-07-22T17:22:00.001-04:00

Albeit belated, here is the *looong* birth story. It was QUITE an event, for sure.
================

Well, the story begins the night before the induction. My blood pressure had spiked again to a lovely 170/110. I called the on call doctor, who said to go on in to L&D and to bring 'all my stuff', as they'd probably keep me until the induction the next morning. So, of course my blood pressure went back down by the time we got there, and L&D was full/ too busy due to the full moon. They sent us home at 1:30am, and we were told to come back at 8am for the induction. I was wired, and didn't get to sleep until about 3:30am.

Fast forward to the induction. The pitocin got started around11am. I was still only 1cm dilated and about 80% effaced. At 1pm, they decided to make things more interesting by breaking my waters. Strangely this didn't hurt nearly as much as an internal exam, though the warm gush of fluid was really weird. An hour or two later, I was having painful back labor and asked for drugs. I guess it was too early for the epidural, so I got some nubain. It made my eyes really loopy, but took the pain away for a good couple of hours. Finally it was time for the epidural. (I'm not sure what time it was by this point) It really wasn't as bad as I had expected! Then I continued to nap. Naps are good. When it was getting closer to the time for me to push, the pain kept getting worse. I asked if I the epidural was still working- so they called in the anesthiologist, who did some kind of pain test by scratching on my belly. My belly was totally numb, but my crotch was NOT! The Dr. said my epi was working just fine, and I didn't need more meds. I could still feel and move my feet, and I definitely felt everything else. The contractions were probably a little less painful, but that's about it. I had seen one of those BabyStory shows w/ a natural birth and remember them talking about the pushing and how you have to push through the 'ring of fire' when the head is crowning. Yeah.... I felt that! There's no way I should have felt that w/ an epidural... Anywho...

While the pitocin was running the contractions kept coming. They had to turn it off for me /baby to rest twice after the baby was in distress. Without the pitocin, the contractions stopped progressing altogether, which made the whole process last longer. (12:45 total from induction until birth)

I'd say it was 10-ish when it was determined that I was ready to push... we did that for a little bit, but it jacked my blood pressure and dropped my oxygen levels. Enter the oxygen mask. My crappy lungs did not have an easy time of the whole 'hold your breath and push' thing. I hyperventilated a lot and had a very difficult time breathing in general. At one point (I think), the baby was in distress again and things got serious. My doctor said we needed to get the baby out NOW. (ugh)
By this point I had been 'in labor' since 11am (it's probably 11pm at this point), and my water had been broken for 8 hours. Because the baby wasn't progressing as quickly as everyone would have liked, my Dr. decided to use the vacuum to assist in the birth. I would have agreed to just about anything at this point! Just get.the.baby.OUT...NOW.

Even with the vacuum and an (very) extensive episiotomy, the birth was difficult. Baby was BIG... I am NOT. David said there was no slithering, and he did NOT come flying out like you see on TV. Windsor Foster was born at 11:45pm. And then things got really interesting!

They (nurses, I'd assume) whisked the baby over to the warmer to assess and clean him up. While this is going on, my Dr. was trying to deliver the placenta. I don't think it was budging, or I couldn't push it out, or something. All I know is that it was a Problem. I couldn't hear Windsor cry, so I frantically asked if he was ok. (he was) I guess when I got the answer I began to sob. At this point, what I'm writing I have NO recollection of. I've pieced it together between what David and my Dr. told me happened.

I then turned white as a ghost and closed my eyes and stopped breathing. I had passed out. The doctor called it a vegel reaction. I seized, they called a 'code blue' (think ER!) and a gazillion doctors and nurses came running. David got whisked out of the room with Windsor and a nurse. The last person he saw running down to my room was the hospital chaplain. By that time someone had told him I was going to be ok, but can you imagine? I don't know what they did to bring me around, but I had a very large bruise on my right arm from *something* involving that ordeal.

We were kept in Labor and Delivery until 4am when everyone was satisfied that I was stable enough to go down to recovery. Usually you're kept for an hour post-delivery and are then transferred to the post-partum recovery area. I was kept for 4. I was extremely weak, swollen, tired, and in pain. Once down in 'recovery' they woke me up every hour (super annoying, but necessary) and my (still) sky high blood pressure. Once it was morning, my Dr. came back in to check on me and ordered the blood transfusion to help with my anemia. A normal person's iron level is 12. Mine was 6. That's one of the factors that contributed to the complications during delivery. After I got 2 units of blood my levels went up to 9. As I write this they're at about 10.5.

Well, you might be wondering where the baby went for all of that. He was taken to the nursery for the night and I didn't see him until 10-ish the next morning. I really was still too weak to deal with him, and I was told to not breast feed until I had more strength back. David sprung him from the nursery / 'baby jail' around 10am the next morning, and Windsor hung out with us for most of the day. Grandparents all visited (and were thrilled as punch to meet baby Windsor!) and I got the blood transfusions-- it took about 4 hours to 'download', and I slept for most of that time. Apparently I still looked awful / white as a ghost... The phone kept ringing with well wishes, and David told people to not come to visit- I was pretty weak and not up to dealing with people. (grandparents included, but you can't say no to them!) Windsor was doing really well on his first day on the 'outside' --loving his formula bottles and making the appropriate wet / dirty diapers. His apgar scores were 8 / 9 at the 1 and 5 minute marks post birth. That's great! This whole time it's always been *me* that's the problem; baby Win has been completely perfect. (he *is* genetically perfect, you know. lol)

Friday morning (2nd day after delivery) my OB stopped by, and said I could be released if my blood work improved enough. Thankfully it had. We were released (only had to sign ONE piece of paper! You have to sign more to adopt a cat these days!) Around 4pm and were on our way HOME. Ok, so we stopped at McDonald's (baby's 1st McD's) and the bank on the way. If anything, it was nice to be home and in my own bed and eat my own food again. While I did feel a lot better after the blood transfusion, my blood pressure was still really high and I was still rather weak. I was put back on bed rest for the whole next week. David's parents were really helpful in caring for Win and letting me 'rest' (eg: sleep... alot...), albeit I was a little miffed at them for being 'baby-hogs'. I was back at the Dr. on Monday and Wednesday the week after he was born. My blood pressure started to go down, and the fluid I was retaining started to come off. Somehow I lost (peed) 7lbs between Monday and Wednesday. Nuts!
David had planned to go back to work that Wednesday, but because I was not even close to 100%, he took off the rest of the week. I got the OK to drive again when he went back to work on the 15th. Yay! Mind you I had been on bed rest for 2-3 weeks before delivery, so I was dying to get out of the house and do *something*. Anything... outside of the house.

My next OB appt isn't for another three weeks- that'll be my 6 week follow-up. I'm supposed to be all 'healed', but who knows if that's really the case. I still can't tell how extensive the stitches were, other than that David tells me that she spent a 'long time sewing you up'. Mmmmm hmmmm.
It surprises me each day how much better I feel. I didn't realize how bad I really felt before delivery! I felt BAAAAD. Like I probably should have been in the hospital bad. I do wonder why I didn't get the blood transfusion before the birth, but perhaps it's bad to do that w/ a pregnant woman. I don't know. (another thing to ask at my 6w appt) I wonder what she'll say about how to manage another pregnancy. This pregnancy was generally pretty OK until 34-36 weeks when the blood pressure went wacko. I was anemic at the beginning, and had bad all-day sickness, but nothing life threatening or too unusual.

One of my close friends is also expecting- she's about 4 weeks behind me and had talked to her OB about what had happened to me. Her Dr. said that they did everything right, and that my Dr. didn't do a c-section because of the anemia-- that I would have probably bled out on the table. I had *no idea* it was "that bad". (it was worse!) The delivery was 'that bad' because there wasn't really any other choice to get him out since a c/s was too risky. The more I think about it and hear about other people's experiences, mine sounds all that worse.

A long overdue post.

2009-06-03T02:19:00.003-04:00

Well, I totally suck for not updating you all in so long! But you're still not going to get the whole she-bang in this post. Ok, maybe a little update...

I have been having issues with high blood pressure for the past three weeks, and have gone from 'restricted activity' to 'full bed rest'. Thankfully on Friday my Dr. said enough was enough and we could schedule an induction date. SO, Wednesday June 3rd, 2009 is the Big Day.

Here's a little photo recap of the past oh, 12 months. We began this IVF cycle in June 2008 out at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine in Lone Tree, Colorado. I *heart* CCRM.

38w pregnant, full bed rest with lots of animal assistance. May 2009

36w 4d pregnant. May 2009.

It's a gummy bear! November 2008.

Our 2 6day blastocysts at transfer time (FET). Sept 22, 2008.

*Some* of the meds needed for our Hail Mary cycle at CCRM. June 2008.

Now, this blog is NOT going to turn into a mommy-blog or baby-blog, or whatever. I am creating a new spot for the baby stuff as to keep this blog about Infertility and the like. The new blog is over at One More Baby Blog. It'll be completely open for now, but I might take it private depending on how things go. I know I have a lot of lurkers, so please post a comment or email if you want to be included when/if I take it private.

Dr Surrey fan club.

2009-04-21T20:19:00.006-04:00

Today was our (phone) consult w/ Dr. Surrey about what to do about #2. He was super congratulatory on the pregnancy, asking how I was doing, how the pregnancy was going, etc. The big hang-up with #2 is what to do about breast feeding. It's apparently a big deal. Everyone (and their cousin) says to breastfeed, and then has a caveat (which I"m not going to get into here...). Dr. Surrey said that he didn't want cycling to get in the way of breast feeding, BUT that I would fall into the should cycle ASAP category. W/O BF'ing, he'd like to see 1-2 'normal' cycles before doing testing again. (wants to repeat FSH, Clomid challenge test and do a hysteroscopy to see how the uterus has fared). After the testing, he said I could cycle as soon as the cycle after that. (can you imagine??)

WITH breast feeding, he said a period should generally come back in 6 months, and then do the testing 1-2 cycles after the period has returned. But some women don't see a return of their regular cycle (I was always a regular cycler, thankfully!) until completely weaning altogether. So really, who knows. *shrug*

We said we'd like to do the same thing again, and just not transfer the embies until a later date... he said that was a perfectly fine idea, and there was no ill effects seen by them of leaving the embies vitrified for a longer period of time. Since we did CGH, he said he'd probably recommend that again, but now micro-array was another option. He said that the technology isn't ready yet, but there's more potential for micro-array to test for more things than just chromosomes (CGH only does chromosomes).

So, in summary, the SOONEST I could cycle for #2 would be w/o breast feeding, and could be as early as October. (2 months for cycle to appear, one cycle to do the testing, then do stims the next cycle-- so that'd be 4 cycles from delivery). The LATEST would be well, um... never- already missed the boat. Regardless of *when*, I'm worried that the testing results alone will put me out of the running to cycle again.

One of his final comments was "Enjoy your pregnancy, I'm not going anywhere." Kind, but not exactly comforting to a paranoid semi-infertile.

ETA: D and I do not agree on what to do next, or when... he also heard a completely different conversation than I did w/ Dr. Surrey. Breast feeding is still an issue we have to work out.

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T23:39:00.002-04:00

Easter... ahhh, another one of those kid-centric holidays. Usually it's a low-key weekend with maybe a family dinner involved. This year Cynthia became Catholic, so we went to the 3-hour Easter Vigil Mass. Today we went over to my brother's house for family dinner (at 3pm, I never really did understand that). Today wraps up a very *busy* week in the fertile world around us! FOUR of our friends/family told us they were pregnant. Only one was remotely expected.
Big congrats go out to:
Donna 14w along
Marnie 16w along
Lori 17w along
and
Patricia 5w along after IVF #2 at SIRM in LA. (they transferred 2 5day blasts after not having any make it to ET for IVF #1!)

All of these would usually be seriously traumitizing announcements to hear. Tho now I strangely don't care. You know, congrats to them and all that, but I'm not internalizing it as horrible news, and oh-woe-is-me... I find that kind of surprising.

In other 'moving on' news, we have a phone consult set up w/ Dr. Surrey on the 21st to talk about #2. I don't know if it's even possible to use my eggs, will I have to do the testing again? How long do we have to wait? Will breast feeding mess with any of the hormones up more, do I need to not BF to proceed w/ this? Lots of unknowns.

What I *do* know is that when the testing was finished in May 08, Surrey said we had to cycle ASAP if we wanted to use my eggs. And now it'll be at least a year later. It's at least worth asking the questions before making any decisions (of course!). If we are able for me to cycle again, it probably would be ASAP. We would do the same genetic testing and then a later FET. But really, I'm not that crazy to have intentional 'Irish twins'. We'd probably leave 'em frozen for a year or two, then do the FET. If not, well... ummm... then it's back to the drawing board. Having only one child has never been an acceptable option for either of us.

Oh, and I'm almost 32w along, all is well... so now I'm just going to move on to the Next Big Thing to obsess about!

What? Labor and delivery? Isn't that the Next Big Thing? Well, perhaps.... but I'm enjoying denial again. It's quite lovely.

Slacking...

2009-04-10T16:19:00.003-04:00

Ok, so I've totally ignored my blog for a good month now. I have some catching up to do! Please scroll down to read the updates, I'm back dating things as they happened so it'll be accurate time-wise... (for posterity!)

TODAY's news is that baby's coming home outfit arrived. I hemmed and hawed over it for months, and finally decided I couldn't find anything cuter, so went ahead and bought it. It's *adorable*.

Do you know how to 'have a baby'?

2009-04-06T17:46:00.000-04:00

D has always been insistent that we take classes to 'prepare' ourselves for the baby's arrival. I prefer denial... I'll deal with it when it's happening. Regardless of whatever class you do or don't take, the baby *is* coming out! So, last Sunday we had our 8 hour "how to have a baby' class at the hospital I'll be delivering at. It was semi-useful. I *did* get almost an hour massage/back rub out of it during the relaxation techniques segment. It was a loooong day. I know D was glad to have gone. Now he thinks we should take (or I should, at minimum) a 'baby care' class. Ugh. We'll see.

The Big Baby Shower

2009-03-15T17:37:00.001-04:00

The weekend after we got back from London was The Big Baby Shower. It totally snuck up on me, and I definitely had mixed emotions about the event. Everything was just lovely, everyone was SO nice and genuinely happy for me. And holy cow there were a lot of gifts! (but isn't that the point, really?) I really never thought I'd be the recipient of one of these things. Other people have baby showers... those fertiles... I'm just glad I didn't cry!

The cake! (thank you Krista)

(some of) the decorations (thank you Cynthia)

The requisite profile belly pic

The haul. I'm so glad it all fit in the car.

London

2009-03-12T17:11:00.000-04:00

Most people thought we were crazy to go on a vacation so far along in the pregnancy. And then they found out we went to London! In hindsight, yes it was crazy. Very Crazy. But the opportunity presented itself, D's boss said 'yes', and so we went.
London, England was D's #1 place in the world he wanted to go. We had always talked about going, but either time or money was a problem. D wanted to go before we had kids. So, um... well... tick tock, tick tock.
He had a fabulous time. We ate lots of asian food, fish-n-chips and went to LOTS of museums. D is a WWII buff and has a slight infatuation with Winston Churchill (one of our cats is named Churchill) and pretty much anything war or airplane related. We went to 4 (FOUR) war museums, including a huge aviation museum in Duxford (not so near Cambridge). I can report that all of the cafe's in the museums were the same, as were the items in all of the gift shops. D swears I can pick the next vacation spot, which will involve lots of beach/pool time, palm trees, blender drinks and the like. And not a museum in sight!
Here are some of the highlights:
D at the Imperial War Museum, Duxford... they actually restore the planes here. Can you stand it?!?

Evidence: we were here. Trafalgar Square. The weather was really nasty that day.

This sign was on all of the tube trains, but no-one ever paid attention to them.

Look kids! SUN! In England! We went on the London Eye. It was actually pretty cool. Btw, I'm the p/g one here. Not D.

Westminster Abbey. Note the guys standing just under the round stained glass window. I'm still miffed they didn't allow photos inside, *and* charged admission...

I have no idea what these buildings are, but it's near Downing Street. The sunset and sky colors here are gorgeous! I actually took this photo b/c we both thought it's be a great place to let the dogs run. They'd love it!

Back from London!

2009-03-10T17:24:00.002-04:00

Well, we're back from London (the kind-of-babymoon) and I'm almost recovered from sheer exhaustion! Everything is fine w/ the baby, tho my left ankle has seemingly disappeared behind some really great fluid. I'll update more in a bit, I just wanted to let everyone know I was still alive!

This is me (and baby Windsor) at Windsor Castle... wouldn't you think it was cool to have a castle named after you, too?

New things in the house.

2009-02-22T21:49:00.003-05:00

So, I got a phone call on Friday saying that the crib we ordered came in. Great! D and I went over to pick it up on Saturday, since it might as well sit here instead of in the store's warehouse.

Yeah. There's a crib in our crib. Like one of those things you put a *baby* in. (and then they proceed to scream for an hour and it's 4 am, but of course *our* baby won't do that, right?)

The nursery is going to be painted sometime in March, shower #1 is on March 14th, shower #2 is May 2nd. We even signed up for a 'how to have a baby' class at the hospital I'll be delivering at. How much more real can this get, people? And yet I'm still really in disbelief. I kind of feel like we're playing 'baby', and it's all pretend and someone's going to come and pick everything up and take it away. Or I'll end up donating everything. *something*

Oh, I digress... next appt is at 25w1d- this Wednesday. Only thing notable is the gestational diabetes test where I have to drink this neon orange pop type drink.

Viability

2009-02-17T16:37:00.004-05:00

Today marks week 24 of this pregnancy and the VIABILITY milestone. That means there's (about) a 50% chance of taking home a live baby right now. Those odds go up with each day that I remain pregnant. We're not talking about disabilities, micro-preemie issues or that sort of thing, just the general concept. I'm not having any issues that would make pre-term labor a reality or anything like that. I don't expect a baby to arrive before the end of May. But if he *does* decide to get the show going, his odds of survival increase from this point on.

For me, that's a huge reality check. There will (most likely) be a BABY in this house this year. (woah) A baby that is 50% me, and 50% D. Amazing. Not a single day goes by where I don't think about CCRM and Dr. Surrey and how they made this possible.
THANK YOU CCRM, for giving us hope and the possibility of a child. Thank you.

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T22:01:00.001-05:00

This was our dinner this eve, our 4th annual Valentine's pizza!

Nothing to report

2009-02-11T21:36:00.002-05:00

I guess it has been business as usual around here. There seems to be something growing in my belly... but other than that, nothing big to report. :-)

Here is the latest belly photo taken today at 23w1d.

One more week until the baby has more than a 50% chance of survival outside of the womb. That's a huge pregnancy milestone to pass, and I'm quite thrilled to almost be there.

I guess that's it. No news is good news, right?

A good report

2009-01-21T16:38:00.002-05:00

Everything was OK at the u/s appt this afternoon. Baby is measuring fine with 'long arms and legs'.

Halfway there

2009-01-20T15:47:00.004-05:00

As I was telling a friend yesterday, I have an easier time believing there's a cantaloupe in my tummy than a baby. I hope everything goes smoothly at tomorrow's ultrasound. I'm kind of just waiting for the bottom to fall out. We're still at the point where if something, *anything* happens, we still have NO BABY. So maybe I'll bond a little bit more once we hit viability at 24 weeks gestation? I can hope. Maybe seeing the baby tomorrow will help. In theory, talking about 'having a baby' is fine and all, but when you get down to it, the actual US HAVING A BABY is still totally surreal.

I seriously wake up every.single.morning and am amazed at what is happening to my body. It's really strange for things to be changing like they are. Heck, since when in our lifetime was weight gain good? I've been reading labels again at the grocery store, buying the highest calorie stuff I can find. From bread (120 calories a slice) to milk (whole), it's just a whole different mind set.

Just because *I* don't believe it, doesn't mean this whole pregnancy/baby thing isn't happening anyways. Over the weekend we went crib shopping and picked one out. I ordered it yesterday, so it should be in in "30-60 days". No rush. We have all the other requisite furniture, so we just got the crib out of the set pictured below.

The other exciting news is that D and I are going on a vacation! This will be our first non-family trip since a 4day long weekend back in May '06. We're going to D's #1 place to see in the entire world. London. It's just for a week, and as I told him, it's not a 3rd world country. It'll be fine. He's never been out of the country, so he's VERY excited. I'm content to sit my fat butt down on a bench in any of the 8 gazillion museums we'll probably go to and read a book while he looks at each and every piece in the museum's collection.

I'll update more tomorrow when I get home from the u/s. Our appt is at 1pm, so it'll be mid-late afternoon before I get home.

It's cold here.

2009-01-16T23:28:00.001-05:00

This is a completely unrelated post... just had to share this photo from my car dash this evening.

Another first: 18w3d

2009-01-09T22:34:00.002-05:00

Here's another first-- first belly picture. Still surreal.

I survived!

2009-01-07T23:38:00.002-05:00

This evening was one of the most surreal events yet... a friend and I registered for all-things-baby at That Store. And I'm alive to tell the story! There was no puking or nausea, and we only took a half hour dinner break. Most of the bases are covered as far as baby junk is concerned.

I still have a hard time believing there will be a baby in this house in June. It's just crazy, I tell ya!

A new year, a new beginning

2009-01-01T23:31:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted recently because I haven't had much to say. We travelled to see my parents over Christmas, and now we have a house full of family (in laws) for more holiday festivities.

I am clearly showing these days, (pictures to follow, I promise!) but I'm not feeling any movement yet. It still seems rather surreal. Like the ball could just drop at any moment, and voila, we still don't have a baby. As I told my SIL this eve, I don't think I'll truly calm down until the baby is born. See? Even just referring to *him* as 'the baby'? I'm trying to keep my distance. We even have a name picked out, but I'm just nervous about putting all of those emotions on the baby, you know?

I'm still waiting for my guarantee of a baby... my ticker tells me how much longer I have to wait. This pregnancy thing is for the birds. Interestingly, I was never one of those women who just 'had' to be pregnant. It's one of those experiences I was rather ambivalent about. And honestly so far, I am *NOT* impressed with this whole pregnancy crap. Just give me the kid already, ok?
Because of those sentiments, adoption (we're looking at Russian adoption) seems perfect on all counts. You sign on the line and they get you a kid. *poof* The kid is about 12 months old-- none of the newborn stuff to deal with. Ok, yes, there are usually significant *other* issues to be dealt with. I'm just using this as an example!

Anywho, there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. So of course then people ask what we're going to do about #2. Riiiiiiight. Great call asking a pregnant chick what her plans are for being pregnant again. Since a natural conception is not possible for us (read the right hand column if you've forgotten that we have ISSUES), it's either back for another IVF/ICSI cycle, or adopt. BUT... our RE said we had to cycle when we did in June 07 because my eggs are crap and if we waited longer we'd be talking donor eggs for sure. So do we take the chance that it doesn't work? Or go straight to adoption for *double the money*. It's a tough call.

For the moment, this preggo chick greatly appreciated the key lime pie her SIL brought with her. The baby *needs* pie.

All's well

2008-12-22T14:06:00.003-05:00

I had my 16w appt today. (!!) I was honestly a bit disappointed when I did NOT get an ultrasound, nor any pictures (evidence) to bring home to post here. I did get to listen to the heartbeat, which was just perfect at 152bpm (beats per minute). There was a little 'pong' sound I could hear along with the heartbeat and the nurse said that was him kicking me. It seriously sounded like an atari pong sound or something. I'm not feeling anything yet that I know of. The nurse said I should feel kicks in the next 2-3 weeks. Amazing. I also have TWO other pieces of good news to share!
1. I have officially gained ONE POUND.
2. And I got a prescription for Zofran, the miracle nausea drug usually given to chemo patients. That makes me feel a bit better about travelling over the holidays, for sure.

In the past 3-4 days, I somehow have a bit of a belly. I'm sure my mom will take pictures when we're at her house, so I'll post some then.
An advance thank you to Cindy and Cynthia for the warm weather preggo clothes-- it's supposed to be 80(!!!) in FL, which means I definitely can't wear jeans and long sleeves. Time to break out the short sleeves and maternity shorts. There's just no way my shorts would fit now. I guess my body is being very efficient about stretching that ONE pound as far as it can.

The next appt is the big anatomy scan on January 21st. It's all so amazing. And I still can't believe I'm here.

fun fluff

2008-12-15T22:38:00.007-05:00

Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about you.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end, and include links to their blogs.

1. I was attacked by fish while snorkling when I was a kid... thus I am terrified of fish swimming anywhere remotely near me.
2. I can wiggle my ears.
3. I have the same first and middle name as one of my cousins, and same first and last name as my sister-in-law.
4. Remember the fish issues? I don't eat 'em either. My motto is "nothing from the sea"... NOTHING.
5. I've never been hospitalized nor broken any bones.
6. I didn't drink water until 15w ago. water=bad.
7. My eyes are different colors! One is hazel/green the other is reddish/brown.

Now I tag.... hmmm...
Bri at unwellness
Cindy at Cindy's place
Ashley at Planet Davila
Gretchen at Weathering the Storm
Lisa at The Wayward Stork
Polly at InMe2See
Shannon at Couple to Family

Bittersweet

2008-12-15T12:10:00.003-05:00

I can't believe how time is flying this month. September, October and November were a blur of awfulness. December has been surprisingly uneventful (so far!).

Saturday night was my Resolve group's annual Christmas dinner. It was great to see everyone and catch up, but kind of weird nonetheless. I know that each and every one of them would give just about anything to be in my shoes. Dealing with IF just plan sucks, especially around holidays because a LOT of holiday things are kid-centric.

I don't know if I'm 'there' yet, thinking this time next year we'll have a little one to celebrate with-- that I could buy all that light blue 'baby's first Christmas' stuff. It's still a hard thing to wrap my head around. I have no reason thus far to think that's not going to happen... but I am probably not going to calm down until at least 24 weeks (where the rate of survival in the NICU is 50%) gestation, or the kid is actually in my arms.

On the positive thinking front, I think I've decided on nursery bedding. And next week when we're in Florida we're going to a store that carries the stroller I want. D insists on seeing it in person and seeing fabric swatches to pick which color we get. It's kind of a haul (2 hour drive each way), but there's nowhere in Ohio that sells 'em. It's kind of interesting how limited selections are here. If it's not at *that store* (BRU), then you're pretty much out of luck.

My next appt is next Monday. *sigh*

a nice run

2008-12-10T16:25:00.003-05:00

Well, ask and you shall receive! It had been 9 days since I last threw up. Best run ever. The sickness has come back, but I think it might be food related. I felt like crap on Saturday eve and again all day yesterday. Both times I had my favorite chinese for dinner (Sat) and lunch (Tues). Unfortunately I felt like death most of the day yesterday but didn't throw up until midnight. Welcome back death-sickness... So, chinese food is off the list until further notice. Back to the bland basics... the safe foods.

The other big thing to report is that the room that will be the baby's room is now mostly empty. I donated all of the furniture in there and they came and picked it all up today! Yay! At the rate we get projects done around our house, we might just make the June deadline. :-)

inbetweenland

2008-12-07T23:13:00.002-05:00

Thank the gods, or whomever you think might be 'up there', but I think the awful all-day-death sickness (really never happened in the morning) has passed. My energy has been almost back to normal and I can eat now. Not EAT, but just eat. Small steps.

I am a little confused in the wardrobe department... I was either really bloated earlier and now I'm not, or I've still been losing weight. All of my regular pants fit for the most part. It's pretty strange. I have less tummy now than I did a month ago. I swear. Now, it mysteriously appears in the evening when I turn into bloated-7 month-preggo-woman, but other than that, I swear I might have one of those skinny people flat tummies. Now how weird is that??????

I had a really sadistic thought yesterday that I'd 'feel better' if I had the m/s back. I feel fine, I'm wearing normal clothes, but I'm pregnant? Like really pregnant? What? My thought was confirmed tonight by our 9y/o niece who gave my tummy a really weird look when my SIL told the girls we were having a baby. Her look said "you can't possibly be having a baby, you're not fat, where's the belly?" It was pretty funny until she followed it up by saying "I've been wondering when you would have a baby!"
Gee, thanks... me too! Me too....

a milestone

2008-12-02T15:29:00.003-05:00

Happy 2nd trimester to me! The chance of miscarriage at this point is under 1%. I still have a hard time believing all of this could result in a live baby. I never in a gazillion years thought I would be here. But I am. Hello.

There's nothing on my Christmas list this year because I've already received the best possible gift ever... an apparent viable pregnancy.

So much to be thankful for

2008-11-27T23:39:00.002-05:00

But I'll sum it up with a photo. This is hopefully the last of its kind...

I think we're having a baby...

2008-11-21T15:17:00.002-05:00

Here's today's u/s picture. I have more (to show family) but the lighting this afternoon is difficult and I can't get a clear shot of them easily. Everything is fine, the Dr. even saw 'boy parts' (even though we already knew that). The most hysterical part was that she said his arms seemed rather long. D has what I call "monkey arms". Great for reaching things behind the sofa w/o having to move, great for swimming, bad for buying shirts and sweaters. :-) As long as the kid doesn't get daddy's feet or mommy's teeth, it's all good.

My weight is strangely back up to where it was at my 1st appt. I guess our scale was off at home. I think the m/s might be on it's way out. I seem to have a bad day every 3-4 days, then a recovery day, then a day or 2 of OK days. Evenings are still touch and go, much to D's dismay, since that's the only time I really get to see him.

Next appt is Dec. 22, right before Christmas! And if you can believe *that*, the appt after that will be the 'big' anatomy scan when normal people usually find out if they're having a boy or girl. I'm kind of liking all of this happening around the holidays because holiday crap is a nice distraction. I might even be wild and crazy and put up a Christmas tree this year. OK, if one goes up, it'll be a smaller 7' one, not the gigundo 12' we usually have. Fake, of course (I'm deathly allergic to pine).

Yesterday I was out shopping with a friend and she was picking up her kids' Xmas pictures. Another lady was there w/ a 6mo baby boy getting his pics taken. C was all excited and exclaimed, "Look!!! You'll have one of *those* next year!!!"
I think I might be beginning to believe it. Maybe....

expectations and unexpectations

2008-11-17T17:47:00.003-05:00

Up to 5lbs lost so far. This is a pretty sucky 'diet'. I'm assuming everything is OK with the baby, I have no reason to think otherwise. I have an u/s appt on Friday morning. This would be #4 in case anyone is keeping track, and this is from my 'regular' OB, too! She has been really nice so far. We need to talk about testing on Friday. I don't know if we should do an ultra-scan, NT scan, CVS or anything like that. While we do know the embryos were genetically perfect going into this, something could have happened in the whole cellular division process... just not sure on how to proceed with that.

In other surprising news, I recently went to Babies R Us (had to buy a shower gift) and Destination Maternity (looking for a bella band) stores and did NOT immediately burst into flames. It seems awfully strange to think that people might think I'm one of those 'fertile' people. While yes, I am pregnant (still amazing to write), the road to get here was LONG and HARD and is not something I am going to forget anytime soon. It's as much a part of this baby's Story as anything else. Here's the lab you were created in, here's the lovely doctor that got mommy pregnant w/ you. Here you are when you were just thawed, and look, just hatching, too! Awww... that sort of thing.

As for the upcoming Holidays... I think back to last year and the limbo between our 2 spectactularly failed IVFs and our search for answers which lead us out to Denver and CCRM. It SUCKED.

Here's to hoping this is the last year the dogs are featured on our Christmas cards...

on Creation

2008-11-11T23:39:00.003-05:00

So, at church on Sunday (we actually made it!) the pastor guy was talking about how when children were conceived it was a miracle of God, etc. Something about his conversation made it sound like conception was 'mysterious'. I instantly thought to myself, well, we *know* when ours were created, and could probably narrow it down to a couple of people in a lab in Colorado! That made me smirk, but you can't exactly back-talk at church about those sorts of things. As much as ART is a part of our daily lives, a lot of people have *issues* with the whole god factor.
As an aside, I dream of sending CCRM cute pictures of our baby wearing a onesie that says something really smart like "my mommy and daddy made me at CCRM" with "I heart Dr Surrey" on the butt or something equally obnoxious.
Today marks the start of the 'double digits'. Almost as eventful as going from 9y/o to TEN but slightly less climactic. I marked the day by letting one of my friends start a registry for me. You see, if she does it then I'm not jinxing anything. I might be a *little* more optimistic, but I'm not stupid!
*** ETA: David says I missed the point completely about the sermon, and that CCRM should include a free onesie with all the $$ we paid them to cycle. Heh.

fluff

2008-11-09T22:47:00.002-05:00

Ok, so this is a cheater post... just a fun little list that's going around the blogworld. I'm not going to tag anyone, but feel free to join in. Only rule is the answers have to be mostly) one word.

1. Where is your cell phone? upstairs
2. Where is your significant other? here
3. Your hair color? red
4. Your mother? calling
5. Your father? caring
6. Your favorite thing? pets
7. Your dream last night? trying not to puke
8. Your dream/goal? baby
9. The room you’re in? man room
10. Your hobby? 'putering
11. Your fear? no baby
12. Where do you want to be in six years? no idea
13. Where were you last night? here
14. What you’re not? skinny
15. One of your wish list items? baby
16. Where you grew up? Columbus
17. The last thing you did? eat
18. What are you wearing? loungewear
19. Your T.V.? small
20. Your pet? sleeping
21. Your computer? mac
22. Your mood? nauseous
23. Missing someone? grandma
24. Your car? odyssey
25. Something you’re not wearing? shoes!
26. Favorite store? restoration hardware
27. Your Summer? Denver
28. Love someone? definitely
29. Your favorite color? lots
30. When is the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? last week

Under the radar

2008-11-07T17:47:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I haven't posted the picture from Monday. It's been one of *those* weeks. I got the phenergan on Monday evening and took one Monday night. I felt like a MILLION BUCKS on Tuesday, so *of course* went to the mall with one of my friends. But it has been down hill since then. I'm not only exhausted, but I just might puke any minute. Ugh. I don't think I've puked since Sunday, but don't quote me on that. I am now not so thrilled by these new meds. So far the highlights of my week involve food. I had a slice of pizza on Tuesday, a peanut butter and honey sandwich yesterday, and half a hamburger for lunch today. Other than that I've been subsisting on teddy grahams, applesauce, chex mix and any liquid that doesn't seem too nasty at the moment.

This really does feel like food poisoning. I hear there's another diagnosis brewing, but you know, that could be a rumor! ;-)

The blob moved!

2008-11-03T20:20:00.002-05:00

This morning's appointment went well. We saw the blob/baby right away, and I was completely blown away when the blob MOVED. Think gummy bear w/ little moving arms and legs. AMAZING.
Ok, so I can kind of believe I might be pregnant now. Still not so sure on this all resulting in an actual live baby, but hey, one day at a time.
I did get some meds for the all-day-sickness. Phenergan. It's rumored to cause tiredness, which you all know I don't need any help in the sleep department. I'm a bit nervous to take it, as I really don't need to be sleeping 18 hours a day. The dogs need to go out, you know! So, we'll see if that works at all. *shrug*. Oh, and I lost 2 lbs. Greaaat.
I *do* have pics from this morning, but haven't taken photos of them yet. I'll post them here when I do. I promise!

Small mix-up

2008-10-31T21:11:00.002-04:00

Ok, we had a little snafu today and my u/s appointment is now going to be on Monday morning (not this afternoon). So no news there. The only good news I have is from the bloodwork today. I get to go down to 1 patch and one prometrium pill! Yay!
(it's the small things, right?) I'm also asking the Dr. for some drugs (zofran, please!) on Monday. I'm getting my butt kicked here by a little blob. A full meal should not consist of a handful of nacho chips and a sierra mist. That's the most I've eaten all day. Ugh.

New fun

2008-10-28T19:51:00.005-04:00

Well, the phone rang this morning and it was my local Dr.'s office. I guess they *just now* got the results from Thursday's bloodwork/pee tests. (little bit slower than CCRM's pace!) Turns out I have a Urinary tract infection *and* am now anemic. Greaaaaat. So, I have two more meds to take: an antibiotic and some iron pill that had to be special ordered in at the pharmacy.

Oh, it just gets more fun, doesn't it?

Btw, somehow D always gets a sinus infection / lung / cold illness in the fall and winter. I pretty much never get whatever he does. It's pretty reliable. He's on the mend with his own antibiotics, tho he always has a lingering cough that is, well, annoying. If only they sold cough syrup by the gallon!

A long weekend

2008-10-26T23:05:00.002-04:00

Not a whole lot to report this weekend. I think I'm still p/g. I've been beyond nauseous and D has a nasty sinus infection / head cold. We've been LOADS of fun!
Next u/s is on Friday, along with more blood work to check my estrogen and progesterone levels.

Why CCRM rocks...

2008-10-25T15:30:00.007-04:00

I just found this press release from July. What they're talking about in the release is *EXACTLY* what we did with our June and September cycles. I had no idea it was *that* new of a procedure, but the 1st birth of a baby from this 'technique' was in June 2008.
Here is the link.

CCRM Chicas

2008-10-24T23:50:00.002-04:00

Are you thinking of cycling at CCRM (Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine) or are in the process of doing the 1day testing, getting ready to cycle or do an FET?

I'd love to support you in your journey, commiserate, answer questions, whatever. Let me know if you'd like to be added to my blogroll (ccrm or general) *or* if you know of other brave women preparing to go to CCRM.

Thanks!

(No real 'me' news for today. At this point, no news is good news...)

A Big Scare

2008-10-23T22:55:00.003-04:00

As to not freak everyone completely out, everything is OK.

I woke up yesterday to underwear and sheets completely soaked with blood. (really not underestimating here... REALLY)
I called my local Dr. in shock, and they squeezed me in for a u/s that afternoon. So, um, fine... nothing to do about it, really. Whatever happened, happened. I gave it a 50/50 chance of miscarriage. (never been the optimistic one here) I showered, got dressed, and waited. And *waited*. And WAITED. Finally it was time to leave. D rushed over to the office and met me there.

The u/s tech was really good. We even got the super-high-tech machine. Cool. I was impressed w/ the tech because you have to be really skilled to be able to come off as 'nice' when dealing with a crying / hormonal / preggo / infertile who's in there b/c of a bleed.

She found the embryo/fetus/baby (what exactly is it now? not sure!) right away. She also got the heart beat seconds later. By that point I had tears streaming down my neck. She turned on the sound and there it was... woosh-wooshing away. Little bugger!!!!! Everything looked fine.

I found out today that the Dr. suspects a subchorionic bleed, and said it was small (about 4mm). Needless to say, she said they'd monitor it closely and to 'take it easy' in the meantime.

So, I guess I'm pregnant, but there is not a whole lot of carefree joy and enthusiasm yet. There's way too much to be concerned about and this incident is just a reminder of how tenuous this pregnancy really is. There's just SO much on the line.

The below pictures are from yesterday's scan.

(head is on the bottom)

Today you would think nothing had ever happened... I feel fine, no spotting, no bleeding, nothing. Ok, well, I feel like death warmed over and am exhausted, but *other* than that... !

I understand

2008-10-20T20:14:00.003-04:00

In the blogworld, people generally blog about a particular subject. This blog has been about infertility since I started down the slippery IVF road. But now... well... I'm in a bit of a transition period. Clearly no blog that touts 6w u/s pictures and BFPs can be an infertility blog anymore. If you're fighting the fight and would rather move away from 'yet another pg blog', I understand. It's ok! I've done the same thing, culling all of my blogroll when I realized everyone on there was pg except *me*.
So now I'm in those shoes. Weird.
If you decide to stay with my journey, I hope I can somehow help spread the word and awareness on IF. I've thought about getting involved publicly w/ Resolve. No one should have to go through all of this on their own. It's far too grueling. Far too tiring, and far too costly. You are not alone.

Reality check

2008-10-19T13:52:00.002-04:00

When does this become real? Because it's definitely *not* real feeling right now. Our friends are talking about baby showers, kids' toys, The Registry, and I am still not 100% convinced there is going to be a baby* at the end of this. It seems strange that there's a Resolve meeting this Wednesday eve., and I'm NOT going. You see, I've been a big fan of our Resolve group for the past two years. Now all of a sudden, voila, I'm 'ResolveD".

What's up with that? How did that happen? No monthly b!tch fests about stupid doctors, frustrating fertiles and that ever deepening pit of despair/desire for the simple joy of having a baby/child to call your own. Well, hmmm.... Maybe I should just go hang out in the parking lot at BabiesRUs. Geez, just the thought of that place scares me to no end. Bottles, gear, pacis... all so very overwhelming and foreign.

So, I'm conflicted. Even D said we should have just gone to Colorado in the first place. Can you imagine that? Firstly, there's no way anyone would go for a 20k cycle half way across the country just 'because'. He would have laughed at the very thought, saying I was overreacting. LOL. Drastic measures are only taken in drastic times, and it took us that long to get there. So fine, we went to Colorado after much ado. And it worked. (SHOCKING) Now what???

Can I just hold my breath for the next 34 weeks or so? Where's the fast forward button? Easy button anyone?

*baby, in this scenario refers to a biological child. The back-up plan to adopt is still in place. Also the sibling plan is still to adopt from Russia. So technically, there IS a child at the end of this regardless, we're currently cooking the bio baby plan.

Introducing

2008-10-17T10:46:00.005-04:00

Mommy and Daddy would like to introduce, for the Very First Time...

The circle on the right is the yolk sac, where the cross hatches are is the baby. If you click on the picture, it'll pop up much bigger to show some more detail if you are so inclined.

Yes, Houston, we have a blob! We only saw one bean in there today. Amazing. Tho I guess another could pop up perhaps? The Dr. really looked around, so I think we do actually have ONE BEAN. We saw the heartbeat fluttering away, but she didn't measure it. (fine by me)

We are absolutely thrilled that it worked. Thank you God. Thank you CCRM. Thank you Dr Surrey!

Quickie post

2008-10-14T23:30:00.003-04:00

B/w this morning was OK... progesterone was ok at 7.8 ( Ithink) meds stay the same. Estradiol is up to 900 something, and I get to cut back to 3 patches! I was just telling D last night how thankful I am that I don't have to do PIO shots. Man those suck.

More b/w again on thursday, then the BIG ultrasound on Friday AM. I'll post ASAP. Hopefully with pictures!

Ok, time to find something to eat before I puke. (I feel like I have the flu, food poisoning, or something else equally unsavory)

one small step

2008-10-11T16:28:00.002-04:00

I had a small victory this morning. I was able to eat a bowl of granola and yogurt w/ fresh fruit. Stupid, I know, but as I said, small steps.

Once we have the u/s next week I'll post a couple of posts I've been working on. Resolve used to have a section in their newsletter called "Resolved". It was meant for the preggos, but there was enough dissent that they dropped it. Really, no infertile wants to open their support group newsletter and get smacked in the face with a fat belly shot or something.

Though I do think they were onto something. I feel like I'm in this in-between nether land... I guess I'm not infertile anymore, but I am not so sure about this whole pregnancy thing.

Well, that was unexpected.

2008-10-09T20:57:00.002-04:00

This week I've been busy doing set-up supervision for a big fundraising event that takes place this weekend. While yes, it's a nice distraction, I've been having some serious conflicts w/ my time. Like I need to sleep for 12 hours due to sheer exhaustion, which is just not possible this week! I might take the morning/day off if I wake up feeling like crap again.

It never dawned on me that there could be some conflicts between the FET cycle 2 weeks ago and the fundraiser this weekend. I might as well have a bad case of food poisoning or a bad flu, because that's about how I feel. Highly unexpected, indeed.

Ok, on to the good news. I *finally* have an ultrasound scheduled for next Friday, the 17th. There's another blood draw on Tuesday the 14th (btw, Polly, the P4 is OK at 10 because I'm doing the supps., so the P4 goes to the uterus first, then is diluted by the time it gets to the bloodstream)

I think that's it for now. Time to go to sleep. Zzzzzzzzz.

Holy Guacamole

2008-10-07T16:28:00.002-04:00

We have officially entered uncharted territory here. Blood work came back just fine. Progesterone is good at 10 and Estradiol good at 948. They want another check next week before talking about weaning me off the meds. In the mean time everything stays as is.

What? You want a HCG number too? Oh, that was 3800 !!!!!!!!!!! After doing a little research, that's very high for a singleton, and on par for a twin or triplet pregnancy. Now things are getting interesting!

I have a lab slip for a u/s next week, the local Dr here just has to squeeze me in to the schedule. Hopefully sooner rather than later. I can't wait to see what's going on in there.

Coming soon

2008-10-06T22:45:00.002-04:00

More blood work tomorrow morning, I'll post the results late afternoon. I also just made my first OB appointment!!!!! With the *infamous* Dr Parker, no less. It's not until 10/20, but fear not fellow internets, there WILL be an ultrasound next week. I just don't have the details on that yet. I'll get that info tomorrow w/ the bloodwork results.

The time in between...

2008-10-05T23:17:00.002-04:00

Not a whole lot to update here.
My fat pants still don't fit, and I have to wait until Tuesday for the last blood work check. That's to check progesterone, estrogen and the infamous HCG. When I get that call, they say when I can schedule an ultrasound.
This is also the calm before the storm. I volunteer for my high school and the BIG fundraiser for the year is next weekend. I'm chair of 'facilities', that means set-up, teardown and some logistics. So of course I can't lift a finger, right? Pretty much I have to be there and 'supervise' for like 8 hours a day for the 6 days. Fun.

Just another day

2008-10-03T13:48:00.002-04:00

Well, no tests today. Nothing major to report. We're both over the moon about this latest turn of events. I'm strangely optimistic. We transferred PERFECT embryos. My betas are good, even great. I have symptoms. My other 2 pregnancies were nothing like this. This is totally different in almost every way.

I think it might be OK to be happy... but we really should wait until the ultrasound. That should probably be sometime the week of the 14th.

Optimism... who knew?

Beta is in!

2008-10-02T18:40:00.003-04:00

Beta #2 is 274 !!! (Beta #1 was 91)

That'd be a doubling time of 30.18 hours. Any doubling time under 48 hours is GOOD.

I kind of thought it would go up, but I didn't think it'd triple! According to the beta base that's in range for both a singleton and twin pregnancy. So that's still up in the air.

Beta details

2008-10-01T17:39:00.002-04:00

Ok, here's the deal on the betas. "Beta" as used here is short for "Beta HCG quantitative blood test". HCG stands for Human Chorionic Gonadatropin, and is the pregnancy hormone created by an embryo when it implants in your uterus. This hormone is what is being tested for in the peesticks you've seen below. The blood test is more accurate because it can tell you the exact number of HCG (in whatever units they use, I have no idea on that!) you have in your system. For a 14dpo (days past ovulation) beta, they want the number to be above 50. Mine was 91. The number is then supposed to basically double every 48 hours thereafter. Once it gets above 1000 or so, an ultrasound is scheduled for a week later.

So, after I got the blood drawn yesterday, they ran the test then called CCRM with the results. CCRM then called me. My nurse (Jen) called with the good news around 2:15pm, I imagine it was her lunch break. I've *never* gotten a call from them that early in the day. Before I could even say "hello?" Jen says "CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You're pregnant!!!!!" Obviously very excited. It was cute. I kind of laughed (since I saw the peesticks that morning, it wasn't a complete shocker), and asked if that was the best part of her job. She said it was the absolute BEST part and she loved making these calls. Cute. Once we both calmed down a bit, she went over some more details (aren't there always details?) of how things will proceed...

I have to go for a repeat beta (see above) on Thursday AM and again on next Tuesday (10/7/08) for HCG, estrogen and progesterone checks. It's all (hopefully) just one blood draw.

Later yesterday evening Dr. Surrey called to congratulate us and answer any questions we had. Since I'm still in Shock and Awe, I didn't have any questions. D's out of town on business, so that was that. Of course now I can think of questions. Of course!
I thought it was very nice of Dr. S to call. I think they've been a 100% class act throughout everything. I would still recommend them to anyone and everyone regardless of this outcome.

Beta is in!

2008-09-30T15:22:00.001-04:00

HCG = 91
(will update more later!)

peestick parade: BETA DAY

2008-09-30T11:46:00.002-04:00

Here are this morning's peesticks:

I went in for my beta this morning. It only took the tech 2 tries today. (That's a good thing!) I probably won't hear anything until late afternoon because of the time difference between here (Ohio) and Colorado.

I'll update as soon as I hear ANYTHING ! ! !

The peestick parade, day 2.

2008-09-29T12:56:00.005-04:00

Ok, there was some confusion yesterday amongst the non-peestick initiated... the presence of TWO lines on either test makes it a positive test. Regardless of how dark each of the lines are. SO, with todays sticks (stick=home pregnancy test in case you really have no idea what you're looking at) the lines appear a little bit darker. Generally that means the level of HCG in my body is going up. HCG is the pregnancy hormone that an embryo creates when it implants in your (my) uterus.

Now, is everyone crystal clear on this? Mom? Sarah? Margaret?

Day 3: well, that didn't last long!

2008-09-28T15:43:00.004-04:00

This photo speaks for itself...

(OK, edited to add that there are TWO LINES on each of those tests, which means that those are POSITIVE pregnancy tests... *ahem* mom.)

Day 2: not testing.

2008-09-27T14:53:00.003-04:00

So far so good. I have not POAS. I have not even gone to a store and contemplated buying any! *so proud*. The only other 'news' here is that we have officially become a part of the 21st century and now have HDTV. It's niiiiiiice!

I did a little research last night and discovered that on my past two IVF cycles I had been spotting already by 10dpo. The difference at this point is that I've never been on estrogen meds, only progesterone. So now I'm on both, and I hazard to say that it might be making a difference.

*sigh* Tuesday is still forever away...

Day 1: not testing.

2008-09-26T17:41:00.002-04:00

So I accidentally found a peestick in a drawer. Expiration date 9/2008. Hmmmm! But wait, it gets better because you know what? I didn't pee on it! I put it back in the drawer and proceeded with my day. I guess I'm taking it one day at a time, and today I have NOT POAS. (POAS= peed on a stick) Beta is on Tuesday and D told me last night he has to be out of town for work on Tuesday, leaving Monday night. Impeccable timing, don't you think? We should be able to do a 3way call for the news on Tuesday. I am NOT hearing it alone.

Neuroses...

2008-09-25T21:51:00.002-04:00

Well, I could be having symptoms, it could be all in my head, it could be the meds. I have no idea what actual pregnancy 'symptoms' are.
I feel a little bloated, it could be the bag of powdered donuts I ate earlier in the week.
The girls are a bit bigger, it could be the progesterone...
The girls are a little sensitive, too. Also a progesterone side effect.
My stomach feels like I'm hungry, but I just ate dinner.

It could be nothing... it could be SOMETHING.

Tomorrow is 10dpo and I could plausibly test and get 'results'. Or I could get nothing. I DO NOT want to see nothing, so I'm terrified of testing. But yet I want to know... but I don't want to know. Ugh. Tuesday is a very long time from now.

Home to wait

2008-09-24T22:26:00.003-04:00

We arrived home uneventfully. The dogs were Very Excited to see us and I suspect we'll have all of the cats in bed with us tonight. A HUGE thank you goes out to my inlaws for coming in town to stay with the pets while we were gone. It's a big relief knowing we don't have anything to worry about at home.

I think I'm a bit bloated, but that also might have something to do with the bag of powdered donuts I ate while we were out there.
Bloat...fat... whatever... it's all the same until the Big Beta Day on Tuesday the 30th. (not that I'm counting!)

I also have no idea when any symptoms would start if either or both of these embryos decide to stick around. Keep in mind that anything beyond a beta (HCG blood test) of 553 is uncharted territory for me.

Headed Home

2008-09-24T11:41:00.002-04:00

Not a whole lot to report this morning here. Well... ok, so I DID take a SHOWER which was wonderful. Nice hot water, and great water pressure! The other 'event' this morning since bed rest restrictions have been lifted is to go to the Nordie's Rack store. Ok, so I like to shop... and we don't have one anywhere close back home. It's not like I'm making a big deal about going to Target or something. :-) D thinks I'm ridiculous for wanting to shop with the 2 free hours we have. LOL. What else is there to do when I'm not supposed to exercise, break a sweat, lift more than 10 lbs and all that fun?

On the technical front, my Estrodiol level wasn't what Dr Surrey wanted it, so D had to go pick up another prescription last night. Progesterone was fine. Current med count is 3: 4 vivelle estrogen patches every other day, the prometrium hoohah pellets and the new estrace pills. Most importantly, NO SHOTS!

Ok, time to get packing, I have things to do!

Bed rest fun

2008-09-23T21:09:00.003-04:00

Well, not really... I'm bored. Despite all of the things I brought to 'do', nothing is actually either a )fun or b) distracting when I have to be horizontal in bed all day. After some good obsessing with my friend Cynthia, I think I'm kind of zen about all of this at this point. It is what it is, and I'm not going to know jack until at least Friday (the earliest I've calculated that I can POAS).

A while ago I had talked about wanting to only transfer one of the embryos. After some discussion, and finding out their 'grades', we agreed to transfer both. D thinks it gives us the best chance of pregnancy. I think it gives us the best chances of closure. This whole CCRM experience has been in the search for answers and closure. I had gotten my closure in January when we got most of our test results. D really wanted to cycle again (easy to say when you're not the one doing the shots and hormones!) to give it one last shot. So, to make the best of that last shot, we did the CGH genetic testing on the embryos (only 3 made it to blast). Of those three, only two were normal. We had talked about only transferring one because Dr Surrey had quoted a crazy high success rate of CGH normal blasts. Then we'd have one for a sibling. But yet there's no guarantee that anything worked. That'd mean I would have to do another FET cycle, with another trip out to Colorado. I was ready to be DONE.

Adoption has always been on the table as an option, but D wanted to exhaust our biological options first. Doing two FETs just draws out the process, and at the end of the day I just want to be a MOM. Whether or not this FET works, we're at least headed in direction that will result in us being more than 'just a couple'.

I'm still nervous. Waiting sucks... esp horizontal in bed...

Wind last week

2008-09-23T17:12:00.003-04:00

Some of you might have heard about the wind storm that hit Ohio last weekend. It was a huge deal here. 500,000 people without power, and the power company had sent their crews down to Texas to help with Ike down there! So when Ike came up to Ohio, there was no one here to fix all of the downed lines. Nice. We were very thankful that we didn't lose power, but we *did* lose half a tree. If the tree had hit 6 inches closer to the house it would have taken the house with it.

Let's obsess!

2008-09-23T16:08:00.003-04:00

Ok, someone on one of my boards thought it looked like the guy on the right has split in two. So, here is the picture again (click on it for a bit higher resolution.) What do you all think?

Just to be crystal clear, that'd mean TRIPLET BOYS. Oh, the irony...

FET... the deets!

2008-09-22T15:54:00.007-04:00

In case you don't want to read the whole post, here's a short summary. Transfer went well, both embryos survived thaw and were growing. We transferred both embryos, who both happen to be BOYS. I'm fine and back at the hotel on bed rest.

Now for the details, all the nitty gritty details...

We got there at 9:30am-- transfer scheduled for 11:30. But first I had to do a blood draw to check today's P4 (progesterone) and E2 (estrodiol) levels. My meds might be tweaked depending on these results. The 1st nurse couldn't get a vein at all. So she called someone else in. She got one on the first try, but then it stopped so she had to switch to the other arm and do it again to get enough blood to run both of the tests. That was Fun.

Then I was told to head up to the 2nd floor surgery area to wait for the acu. About 5 min later someone came out to take me back to my room. Everything happens in the same room for transfers. They just wheel in and out the different equipment.
First the acu lady came in, I signed paperwork and had to write a check for the acu (as with their lab, the acu people are a separate business entity). I have no idea how long the acu lasted, really. It was dark, I was probably asleep and I couldn't see a clock because I didn't have my glasses on. Maybe an hour? No idea.

I was relatively relaxed at this point (well, it's all relative, isn't it?), and I HAD TO PEE. Round two nurses come in, wheel in a u/s cart, and another cart w/ equipment on it. Amazingly, she didn't get out the dildocam. I got a regular abdomen u/s! Who knew that existed?! She had to check how full my bladder was. When I asked why (since this was never an issue or anything with my last TWO transfers) she said it helped to flatten the uterus and allowed them to more accurately place the embryos. Ok, that makes sense. She also let me 'empty my bladder' a little bit. OH, what a lovely pee... So, back to the table, I mean bed. One of the nurses came in to give me a Valium. I asked what it was for, since I was relaxed already. She said it was to relax your muscles, esp the uterine muscles. We had to wait a little bit for Dr Surrey to come in, he did some 'cleaning' down there and set up whatever he had to set up. Then the embryologist came in (Terry), and we had to confirm who we were, etc. He rolled the embryos in on a cart that was topped with a 20" monitor where we could see them. I asked if we could have a picture of them and he said they didn't do pictures. I was not to be deterred. I wanted pictures. This is the last hurrah and dammit, I want pictures. So I asked if D could take a pic of the monitor. I think they thought that was the weirdest request ever. But hey, I got my photo.

Transfer itself took maybe 10 minutes if that. Then I had to lay there for another 10 minutes. Then the acupuncture lady came back in (she was *very* chipper) for round 2 of the acu treatment. Now I should mention that I *still* had to pee but had to lay there for more acu for maybe 15 min or so. I'm sorry, but it's just not so relaxing to have to lay completely still on a table with needles all over you when you have to pee. Kind of makes it difficult to do the peepee dance! Once the acu was done, I was up and beelined it to the bathroom faster than you could blink an eye!

Random aside, they have lovely tile in their bathrooms there. Each bathroom is different, all tasteful and lovely. Anywho, I got dressed, was handed various copies of paperwork, and a nurse wheeled me out (they insist on pushing patients out in wheelchairs) to the parking lot. D had pulled the car around and was waiting. They said to put the seat all the way back in the car and lay down immediately when I got back to the hotel. I thought that was strange. I mean really, like they're going to fall out or something? I don't think so. But hey. Their success rates are what they are for a reason so who was I to challenge that?

We stopped at Heidi's for takeout for lunch. I think just to spite me, D got lox. He said it was good. It looked like puked up watermelon or something equally unpleasant. lol. Since then I've been in bed back at the hotel. I have a whole new appreciation for people who have to be on bed rest for an extended period of time. UGH. I killed a bunch of time this afternoon by accidentally falling asleep for a lovely nap. I think it might have been the Valium. I also slept like crap last night, so I really was quite tired. Let's hope I can sleep tonight!

Meet our boys

2008-09-22T14:46:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I'm working on the detail post, but thought in the meantime you all would enjoy this photo.

The one on the left is already hatching!

Denver, trip 3

2008-09-21T23:54:00.000-04:00

We're in Denver! I've only spoken to nurses at CCRM 3 times today (Sunday) to confirm details, when to be where, the schedule, etc.

We have to be there at 9:30am, transfer at 11:30am.

We are transferring BOTH EMBRYOS. So yes, all of our eggs are going to be in one proverbial basket. I'm going for closure, a conclusion, an ending. This is our final infertility treatment in pursuit of starting our own biological family. (wow, that seems so... well...final!)

I'll be blogging a lot more tomorrow, detailing the day, and recapping the journey. For now I think I'm going to go to bed.

Packing list,

2008-09-20T22:30:00.005-04:00

DVDs- check
fun magazines- check
a good book - check
comfy FET outfit - check
2 days of pajamas for bed rest- check
FIXED COMPUTER - triple check
wonderful in laws to take care of pets while we're gone- check
cash from the ATM- check
patches, lots and lots of wonderful patches- check
cellphone- check
camera- check
vitamins and supplements -check

We leave tomorrow evening, via a lovely direct flight. Hopefully the car rental people are not slower than molasses! I found out today that we need to be there at 9:30am for a blood draw, then acupuncture, then the FET. After the FET I get more acupuncture, then back to the hotel for bed rest until we leave on Wednesday!

Some people have asked if we know the genders. Well, kind of. CCRM knows, but won't tell us until after the transfer. They do not want gender to be part of the decision of which embryo to transfer. SO, once the FET is done on Monday we will know the gender of the two embryos. If only one embryo sticks, and our embryos are a boy and a girl, we will still not know which one took and will have to wait until further testing around week 12. (assuming a pregnancy results from this, and I'm just NOT going there right now) Obviously if they are both one gender we'll know if it's either a single or twin pregnancy. Speaking of twins... there are lots of clauses and paperwork and signatures required that we acknowledge the risk of multiples with this procedure. I would be amiss to not mention the higher chance of identical twinning associated with assisted hatching. So I guess it is *technically* plausible to have quads if each of the embryos split into two. But, yeah, whatever. I find that almost as plausible as a live birth, too...

Suggestions needed.

2008-09-18T18:23:00.002-04:00

Ok internets, I need your help! What in the world to do with myself during the hotel bedrest?!? That's two days of feeling just FINE, but having to stay in bed anyways. In a hotel. I've got a couple of takeout meals planned, Via Baci, Heidi's and IHop-- none of which we have at home. Other than twiddling my thumbs, what to do? What to do... I have no idea.

FET? What FET?

2008-09-18T00:52:00.002-04:00

Well, denial-ville population one has been closed. Today I start the big meds... Let's see, there's the antibiotic, the steroid, and progesterone suppositories. Good times, good times. Thankfully (SO thankful!) no Progesterone-in-oil shots (yet)! I had an u/s and bloodwork done this morning. Everything is where it should be. Estrodiol was 553, that's good. Progesterone was .3, also good. No LH results yet. Now that I've started the meds, I get another blood draw on Friday to make sure everything is being appropriately absorbed.
What surprised me the most today was the attitude I got from the local RE doing the local monitoring. SO strange, and just unnecessary. She asked what we were doing out there, I said a frozen transfer, we cycled in June, etc. and did CGH testing. She then asked "What's CGH?" !!! What? Huh? You're a doctor, this is your job, and you don't know what CGH is? Huh? I was so taken aback I couldn't come up with the definition. It stands for Comparative Genomic Hybridization, in case you're wondering...
At any rate, current med count is 4. Estrogen patches, 2 pills, and the suppositories. Good times, good times. We leave on Sunday, return on Wednesday.
From what I can gather, the earliest I can POAS is Friday 9/26. Woah.

In non IF related updates, it's been rather stressful here. One of our dogs has terminal liver cancer, and has weeks not months to live. We also had a windstorm blow through on Sunday and have half a tree leaning against the house. No idea when the tree guys will be out to take care of the carnage.

Denial

2008-09-11T22:35:00.002-04:00

Somehow I'm in denial about this cycle. Completely blase about it. Unphased. Oh, la de dah, we're going to Colorado in less than two weeks. I actually asked D what he wanted to do while we were out there. He said "ummm... we can't do *anything* because you'll be on *BEDREST*." Hell-o? Oh, yeah, tht's right. I guess that *is* this month, isn't it?
Nevermind that my tummy is covered in estrogen patches and the bruise on my left arm from the blood-draw lady having to fish around for my crappy vein...

I guess I'll have some news to share this time next month, huh? I could be p/g. How about them apples?!?

ramping up

2008-09-04T13:11:00.002-04:00

This month is turning out to be surprisingly busy. (that's a good thing!)
The hardwood flooring arrived today and is being installed this weekend. I'm up to 2 patches every other day of the estrogen patches (vivelle), then it goes to 3 patches, then to 4. Those should be some mighty fine hormones!
Now, I know I promised project pictures (they're coming), but we're having some technical difficulties here. My macbook is currently at the apple hospital after one of the cats spilled crystal lite on it. We finally got the hard drive backed up this weekend. Thank GOD it wasn't fried. Anywho, I can't download the pics to the PC, so they have to wait until the mac is back. (next week)
I still need to set up accupucnture appointments, and perhaps throw in a mani/pedi, too. That reminds me, I need to call CCRM and get the accu set up for out there, too.
And just as a reminder to you all, regardless of the outcome of this cycle, it is closure for us. That is a GOOD thing. (I still don't have any expectations of a baby from this, but whatever... I'm just going with it.)

Let's go!

2008-08-29T22:34:00.002-04:00

One step closer. Today is CD1.
To do list:
- call CCRM
- make it through phone tree to nurse voicemail
- leave message for nurse
- talk to nurse at CCRM
- negotiate transfer date
- talk to D
- book air tickets
- book hotel
- book rental car
- pickup drugs (vivelle patches)
- chill.

In an 'in the meantime' update, I'm going to post before and after pictures of our project room. This weekend we get to clear the room and tear up the carpet. Can you say F-U-N ! ! !

In the meantime...

2008-08-22T22:49:00.002-04:00

See that little ticker over there? That's how much time I have to kill before being able to move on with my life. I'm going batcrazy in the meantime!

We're (I'm) doing some projects around the house. I have grand visions of picking up a new hobby or skill or three. Let's make curtains! Sure! Try Yoga? Great idea! Pick all the weeds out of the lawn by hand! Oh Yeah, sign me up! Ok, some are more realistic than others, but there's nothing wrong with dreaming big.

An FET update... this week we're thinking of transferring both embryos. Transferring 2 increases the success rates. Also provides definite closure. Talk amongst yourselves (ala coffee talk SNL style).

Resolve Rocks

2008-08-20T22:55:00.004-04:00

I always enjoy our Resolve group meetings- so welcome to my fellow resolve peeps!

It's nice to know we're not alone in this journey. Infertility affects 1 in 8 people trying to conceive. There are alot more helpful resources over on the Resolve website.

Here are some of my favorite little tidbits: (from their website)

Myth: It's all in your head! Why don't you relax or take a vacation. Then you'll get pregnant!

Fact: Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system. While relaxing may help you with your overall quality of life, the stress and deep emotions you feel are the result of infertility, not the cause of it. Improved medical techniques have made it easier to diagnose infertility problems.

Myth: Don't worry so much -- it just takes time. You'll get pregnant if you're just patient.

Fact: Infertility is a medical problem that may be treated. At least 50% of those who complete an infertility evaluation will respond to treatment with a successful pregnancy. Some infertility problems respond with higher or lower success rates. Those who do not seek help have a "spontaneous cure rate" of about 5% after a year of infertility.

Goin' back to Denver

2008-08-18T00:02:00.003-04:00

FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer)plans are underway. Of course my body hasn't gotten the memo yet. We need to wait until CD 1 again to book the flights, hotel, car. The ticker over there is our 'goal' date for the FET, but who knows if my body will cooperate! Last cycle was a crazy long 35 days.

I am getting excited to be done with all of this crap. Regardless of the outcome. (still not conviced a baby will result from any of this)

Scheduling CRAZY TALK

2008-08-11T18:47:00.003-04:00

The FET is scheduled for Friday September 26th in Denver. It'll just be a long weekend trip-- going out there on Thursday and returning on Sunday or Monday.
The added bonus for a FET is that there are NO PIO shots involved! Those are the big, thick, nasty butt shots with thick oily liquid you have to 'inject' into some spot on your butt you can't see. They're awful.

Now is when we start the crazy talk...
my due date would be June 15th, 2009. That's D's birthday.

I still don't really believe a baby could be the result of all of this. No way. Not possible. Seriously can't put my mind around it. The thought of me being actually pregnant is just beyond comprehension... I doubt I'd believe it even if it does happen someday. I'm definitely not holding my breath on that happening!

To answer Cindy's question about embryo #2, it's for 'later' use perhaps with a surro, or to complete our family after adopting... or for child #3. We have agreed that either 2 or 3 kids are OK. Having an only is not OK. (it sucked being an only)

Decisions, decisions made.

2008-08-10T22:36:00.002-04:00

We will do a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) as soon as possible. Only thawing 1 and transferring 1 embryo.
(when that doesn't work...)
Then we will adopt from Russia.
(that WILL work)

Time to call CCRM and set things up!

Creating Family

2008-08-03T21:42:00.002-04:00

As I write this, I am in a small cottage in a very small town on a small(ish) island. Where D happens to be related to a good 50% of the population going back 200 years. We're here for a family reunion. Where saying "I'm a Smith", means something. Where you can be a complete foreigner, not know a single person until someone sees your name and then you're *instant* family. All of a sudden a large portion of the restaurant we were at today became Family. Family who invites you over for dinner. Family who asks you if you've hear from so and so. Voila. Roots.

A lot of times we take these things for granted as the pace of daily life is awfully fast. I usually consider myself accomplished if we get to eat dinner a) together and b) before 9pm and c) not take-out!

It's very clear here about how many kids everyone has had. The Family is so large because generation after generation produced 6+ children per descendant. It's kind of amazing if you think about it. We got a genealogy book of the lineage, where we are just listed as one line. And then it stops.

Can we list our two frozen embryos as decendants? Maybe? Please? We worked really hard for them! No, really... you might have been able to have 3 or 4 kids easily (or 5 in 5 years as I heard someone say yesterday), but these two little groupings of cells came at a very high cost. And are very much loved. They are already a part of the family, as are the other twenty embryos that never made it along the way.

So now it's down to these two frozen little guys. Then the biological road ends for us.

I don't have an answer as to where we'll turn next.

Child-free is not an option.

RESULTS !!!!!

2008-07-30T12:16:00.003-04:00

HOLY COW. The phone just rang and it was CCRM.

2 embryos are normal.
1 abnormal. w/ an extra chromosome on #16 and #19.

Interestingly they don't give the gender info until after you do a transfer. (not that it matters...)

Not sure what to do now.

Hmmmm!!!

Nothing yet

2008-07-28T17:21:00.002-04:00

Just an update to let everyone know I called CCRM again today to see if I could get any more information. Nothing to report because a) no one knows anything and b) I kept getting transferred. Finally I got a # for someone in the lab (not John), and left her a voicemail. No idea if she'll call me back today, or what.
*shrug*

Now with added waiting!

2008-07-24T15:17:00.002-04:00

You might be expecting some news, huh? Well, tough, because you're not going to get any anytime soon.

I sucked it up and called CCRM yesterday for an update, see where we stood with the CGH results.

The nurse who called me back (on voicemail) said it'd probably be another week, the lab has been a bit backed up. The results were coming in more at the 6 week point than any earlier and that we probably had another week to wait.

Ugh.

So now we get to wait some more.

But in the 'it could be worse' vein, I heard news recently about a friend who was in a serious motorbike accident with her DH. Her husband is in a coma and they were going to take him off life support today. They had only been married 2 years, and hadn't even gotten to have problems like we are. It could definitely be worse. Now I'm waiting to see where/when the funeral will be. He was 31.

the wait continues...

2008-07-21T15:01:00.000-04:00

STILL WAITING.

No news.

Still waiting...

What's new?

2008-07-17T13:57:00.002-04:00

Oh, still waiting? Um, yeah. STILL WAITING.

I wanted to give a shout out to all of my Resolve peeps. Welcome!

In other news, my mom had a knee replaced yesterday, so I've been on mom duty this week, and next week until we leave for Canada. She's still in the hospital (Riverside) and is doing fine. Well, fiiiiiine if you ask her. She's getting some good pain meds, which makes everyone happier. :-)

Oh, and there's cellphone coverage where we'll be in Canada, just in case we don't get THE CALL before we go.

*sigh*
still waiting...

New day, same wait

2008-07-14T23:20:00.001-04:00

Wow, look at that date! For the 4-6 week wait, next Friday 7/25/08 will be the 4 week mark.
Not that I'm counting. No, definitely not.

Until then.....

still waiting

2008-07-06T14:03:00.002-04:00

STILL WAITING...

still waiting...

s t i l l w a i t i n g . . .

At least D is home from his whirlwind work trips, which is very nice. I'm trying to come up with worst-case-scenario plans for when none of our embryos are viable. I don't think D's thought much about it at all. If anyone knows how to speed up time, please, by all means, do so on our behalf!

s t i l l w a i t i n g . . .

The WAIT

2008-07-02T13:39:00.002-04:00

It's only been ONE WEEK since our embryos were vitrified. One down, 3-5 more weeks to go.

I really don't think it's possible for time to go any slower.

We have no plans for the fourth, but are watching a friend's dog while they're on vacation. Maybe the cat-box room will get some attention, maybe the garden. There's lots to do, and WAY too much time available to do it in.

I think I'll go read my blogs instead. Yes, much better idea...

hope on hold

2008-06-26T23:24:00.003-04:00

The fate of our 3 frozen embryos won't be decided until we have the results back from the genetic testing. 4 to 6 weeks from now... there are several options. Some I'm more comfortable with than others. I honestly don't know if D has let it sink in yet. He's currently in Canada for business and has been crazy busy with work all month. (Yes, there were lots of conference calls and lots of laptop time logged while we were in Colorado.)

Until we know what we're dealing with, hope is on hold. I'd rather not speculate.

Day 6 report: now we wait

2008-06-25T19:25:00.002-04:00

THREE

We have two more embryos that made it to blasts and were able to be biopsied and frozen. The rest arrested and were not able to be biopsied or frozen.

That leaves us with 3.

My exact feelings are "*ugh*". I'm not completely surprised, I do have crap eggs... you can't deny that w/ 9 embryos fizzling out between days 3 and 6.

Now we must wait 4-6 weeks for the results to come back from the lab.
*sigh*

Day 5 report

2008-06-24T19:15:00.002-04:00

Well, this morning started off by my sitting by the phone and waiting... and waiting... and WAITING. I gave up around 2pm and called them. A guy named Terry talked to me and said that ONE embryo was biopsied and vitrified (frozen) today.

The 'others' weren't to the blastocyst stage yet, and they would be checked again tomorrow. I'm suppposed to get a call tomorrow also. Now, he didn't say that any (of the 11) had died... just that they weren't blasts yet. I should have asked for more details, but heck, I didn't.

I'm not sure what to think at this point. I guess it's good that they aren't dead (yet), but iffy that only 1 could be frozen today. And then there's the whole CGH testing, it's completely possible that that 1 embryo could be genetically abnormal.
*shrug*

More tomorrow... hopefully.

Day 3 report

2008-06-22T14:51:00.002-04:00

We still have 11 embryos growing!
They were all dividing right on schedule (between 6 and 10 cells at this point) but
2 of them were more fragmented than the others.
So, if we don't count the fragmented ones, there are NINE still in the running.

You know what? If we were doing a fresh transfer and still had nine in the running, they'd push us out to a 5 day transfer anyways because there are so many still growing.

WOW!

Next lab update will be on Tuesday, on day 5. That's when they do the biopsy, and freeze on day 6.
They'll call both Tuesday and Wednesday with updates.

I still can't believe we've gotten this far. Amazing.

back to the usual

2008-06-21T13:25:00.002-04:00

The flight home was uneventful and we've picked up all of the dogs. Laundry is going as we speak, and D is mowing the yard. Back to your regularly scheduled Saturday activities!

I should hear tomorrow morning about how our 12 embryos are doing. I won't be surprised if there's some attrition, but we'll see. They are in Very Good Hands.

Fert Report!

2008-06-20T10:37:00.003-04:00

Be ready to have your socks knocked off...

14 retrieved
12 mature
ALL 12 fertilized w/ ICSI !!!

The embryologist said they were all looking good, and would be checked again on Day 3 (Sunday). On Day 3 if they weren't looking great, the option is a micro-array biopsy. It's not CGH, but yields the same results. I guess it's a newer techinque and a different study. If we're doing crazy talk and they can be cultured to Day 5, the embryos are biopsied at blast stage and then vitrified.

Results of both kinds of testing are running 4-6 weeks. I promise I'll post as soon as I know!

We fly back home this afternoon. Bloated, drug free, and with perhaps a teensy eensy bit of hope.

ER Report!

2008-06-19T14:59:00.004-04:00

Today's magic number is 14. FOURTEEN!!!!!

No puking or (severe) nausea. CCRM rocks.

I am at risk for OHSS because the follicles were 'so big' and because they got so many. Doctors orders are to eat salty foods and drink gatorade as well as take it easy for the next couple of days.

We'll get a call tomorrow morning telling us how many were mature and how many fertilized. They're going to play it by ear with the CGH stuff and growing the embies out to day 5. Good. Regardless it's a freeze all cycle. And btw, their thaw rate is like 95%. Cool.

(btw, I added photos to some of the below posts... go take a look at what we've been up to!)

Stim day 14... day before ER

2008-06-18T23:23:00.003-04:00

This was my last day of stims! Woo Hoo!!! I did the trigger shot last night, which wasn't bad once I got the nerve up enough to stick a 2" needle in my butt.

E2 (estradiol) level today was 3118, which is good. (more follicles, the higher the E2) After the usual am blood draw, D and I went down to Colorado Springs and went to the Garden of the Gods park. It was really spectacular! After that we went to the base of Pike's peak, to Manitou Springs and walked around a bit. I had the best chicken salad *ever* at a cute little cafe called Adam's Mountain Cafe. The roads beyond the main drag were SO steep. I have no idea how in the world they get around in the winter.

Garden of the Gods (this kind of rock formation is called a flatiron)

Garden of the Gods ('siamese twins' formation)

Garden of the Gods- view of Pike's peak through a hole in the siamese twins rocks.

Manitou Springs... so nice!

Oh, that's rattlesnake on my shirt.

2008-06-17T23:45:00.002-04:00

We just got back from dinner at The Buckhorn Exchange.
I'll just let the photos do the talking!

D while waiting for our table.

The 'ambience'... I seriously contemplated going veggie!

Hmm! David's menu consisted of a rattlesnake appetizer, and main course of yak, ostrich and quail. I had the unadventurous (beef) steak and tried to not loose my cookies. :-)

Trigger, not Tigger...

2008-06-17T19:30:00.002-04:00

Follies are still cooking, no mention of an E2 level...

The big news is that I get to trigger tonight at 10pm!!!
ER is scheduled for 9am Thursday, we have to be there at 8am.

Tomorrow we're going to go down to Colorado Springs after the bloodwork in the am.
Thursday is out b/c of ER and
Friday we fly home at 2pm mountain time.

I just hope I'm not puking on Friday and can make it through the airport without incident. At least we have a direct flight.

Off to get ready for dinner. It's D's birthday dinner at the Buckhorn Exchange!

Stim day 12

2008-06-16T20:22:00.003-04:00

Today we moved residences down to a hotel *much* closer to CCRM. The good thing about the hotel is the free breakfast and high speed internet...oh, and there's an IHOP next door! We loved staying with friends (thanks Sarah and Matt!!!) but it was 62 miles each way to the Dr's office. And D needs to be online for work, which wasn't possible at their house.

Follie watch 2008 update: 11-12ish follicles growing today. Dr Surrey was on the fence on when to trigger me, but decided to hold off. So now I'll do the trigger probably on Wednesday for a Thursday ER. Since this is our last IVF, and based on my tests, I think he's wanting to grow as many of these follicles as large as possible for as long as possible. That's fine by me, but I could really do without the welts (thanks repronex) and bruises (user error from the lupron).

One of the appointments today was with a genetic counsellor to go over what all is involved with the CGH testing we're doing. For some reason I was under the impression that the embryos were frozen at 2 cells. Turns out they (try to) grow them out to 5 days before taking the biopsy. After taking the biopsy they are vitrified. This terrifies me for several reasons. IVF 1 only got us 2 crappy embryos in the first place, and IVF 2 had a better quantity, but the ones we didn't transfer all arrested on day 4. Who's to say we'll even make it to day five for them to even have a chance to do the biopsy. The counsellor lady said that sometimes they'll do it on day 3 or 4 if things aren't looking good, but they really try to grow the embryos to day 5. Ugh.
So NOW I pretty much don't care what the results are, if they make it to day 5 I'll be shocked.

Not sure what our plans are for Tuesday. U/s appt in the AM. D wants to go down/up to Colorado Springs and up the train at Pike's Peak. I'm not sure if my lungs would like that altitude change (walking down a hall briskly still makes me cough). Other options include a tour of the Coors brewery, go to Boulder, or go to the local mall! You know, options, options!

stim day 11

2008-06-15T23:48:00.000-04:00

Today's appt was bright and early at 7:30am. Welcome to my Sunday. We welcomed 11 follicles to the u/s screen this morning. Most in the 17-19mm range. 2 were over 20mm, which is great. We'll probably trigger tomorrow, with the ER on Tuesday. More details as I find them out tomorrow.

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day-- between the 2 of us we have 4 appointments. Much to D's dismay, he is probably going to have to do a blood draw while out here. If you recall, it was quite the production in December.

Today we went up to Estes Park with friends, photos below.
View of Long's Peak.

Evidence that We Were Here.

I would also like to thank everyone back home who is taking care of our (many) animals and our home. At last count there are about 10 people helping 'hold down the fort' while we're gone. Also to Al and Sarah for their help in making this possible.
It's been a long road... are we there yet?

Also! Today was D's 33rd birthday, celebrated with beer, a fabulous homemade cheesecake (thanks Sarah!), and coveted Redskins tickets. Not too shabby. I love you!

"like a spa"

2008-06-14T20:04:00.004-04:00

This morning was my 1st u/s at the main CCRM office. It really was like a spa. There was a waterfall in the 2 story entryway/ reception area and their check-in desk featured brocures on stress management, relaxation, and accupuncture retreats. The photo above is the view from the parking lot. Can you stand it?!?!!!

Today there were 7ish follicles in the 15mm range. Meds stay the same, and I have to go back tomorrow for another scan. Unfortunately the nurse didn't say what my E2 level was... *shrug*.
After that we went on a lovely hike at Rabbit Mountain with friends. I don't think I got burned either. Bonus! We saw some neat wildflowers, prairie dogs, and great views of the snow caps.

This is a view from the hike.

Stim day 8

2008-06-12T19:48:00.002-04:00

Today was my first u/s appt out here at CCRM. Their equipment still blows me away. Anywho, there were 7 follicles in the 10mm range, so they definitely need to cook for a while longer. It's a good start. My E2 was 758.

Per Cindy's question, we're doing ER only because of the CGH testing. Because of how long the testing takes, they have to freeze all. Then based on the results, you schedule a FET. Depending on the results we may transfer to me or a surro, or it's completely possible that there are no viable embryos, in which case it's game over.

Right now I have NO expectations of a baby at the end of this cycle, which for me is just fine. This is just what DH needs for closure, so be it.

"business or pleasure?"

2008-06-12T00:38:00.002-04:00

For some reason today the question of the day was whether my trip was for "business or pleasure?". Ummm.... well.... you see... it's kind of complicated. I'd really love a T-shirt that said "I went all the way out to CCRM and all I got was this tshirt!" Heh. That'd be one $$$$$ shirt, that's for sure!

As you may have guessed, I made the trip out to Denver this morning, compliments of United Airlines and a very expensive plane ticket. My first appointment is tomorrow morning for the usual ultrasound and blood work. I had a scan yesterday back home and the Dr. found FIVE follicles. Tho I swear he only checked one side. Regardless, five is wonderful b/c last cycle at this point there were none to be seen on the u/s, and I was just waiting for the cycle to be cancelled.
Really.
Five is good.

The weather is lovely, there is zero humidity, and I can see gorgeous snow capped mountains in the distance from my friend Sarah's house. These views beat home, any day of the week.

I have one or two days left on my antibiotic for the bronchitis I picked up. My cough is at least productive now. Annoying, but productive. The cycle meds are lots-of-fun. The repronex is leaving welts, and for some reason the lupron is bruising me. SO attractive. Oh and I'm having some metallic taste food aversions. Lettuce is a definite gross food at the moment. Surprisingly, chocolate is still palatable. LOL