Sunday, October 19, 2008

Reality check

When does this become real? Because it's definitely *not* real feeling right now. Our friends are talking about baby showers, kids' toys, The Registry, and I am still not 100% convinced there is going to be a baby* at the end of this. It seems strange that there's a Resolve meeting this Wednesday eve., and I'm NOT going. You see, I've been a big fan of our Resolve group for the past two years. Now all of a sudden, voila, I'm 'ResolveD".

What's up with that? How did that happen? No monthly b!tch fests about stupid doctors, frustrating fertiles and that ever deepening pit of despair/desire for the simple joy of having a baby/child to call your own. Well, hmmm.... Maybe I should just go hang out in the parking lot at BabiesRUs. Geez, just the thought of that place scares me to no end. Bottles, gear, pacis... all so very overwhelming and foreign.

So, I'm conflicted. Even D said we should have just gone to Colorado in the first place. Can you imagine that? Firstly, there's no way anyone would go for a 20k cycle half way across the country just 'because'. He would have laughed at the very thought, saying I was overreacting. LOL. Drastic measures are only taken in drastic times, and it took us that long to get there. So fine, we went to Colorado after much ado. And it worked. (SHOCKING) Now what???

Can I just hold my breath for the next 34 weeks or so? Where's the fast forward button? Easy button anyone?

*baby, in this scenario refers to a biological child. The back-up plan to adopt is still in place. Also the sibling plan is still to adopt from Russia. So technically, there IS a child at the end of this regardless, we're currently cooking the bio baby plan.


Kathleen said...

actually there isn't a meeting this wed. We have one the following week with Barb L. I believe you don't get kicked out until after the first trimester - and its not like we are going to forget you!! I've read other places on the web that the transition from infertile to mom is not very easy - and you likely will never feel like a "normal" mom - because of what you had to go thru to make your dreams a reality. I'm exicited for you! And I noticed on the u/s that their edd is 6/10 -6/11...I'm voting for the 11th as that is my b-day. Its a good time of the year to have a birthday---

Cindy said...

Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. And here I am with a 7-month-old and I STILL feel more like an infertile than a mom. When does it feel real? I'll let you know when that happens. I've been to BRU a bunch of times now (buying things for MY BABY) and my stomach still does a little roll when I walk in that door.

DAVs said...

I want to jump up and down and say "It's real! It's real!" but you just have to feel it when you feel it. And take it one day at a time. And feel ecstatically happy because YOU ARE pregnant!
Hoping CCRM is our magic fix too!

Anonymous said...

Hi Annie,

Thanks for sharing your journey... I have been following your blog since early this summer... so happy for you! Below are some forums you might like for "graduates."
Pregnancy - Pregnant After Infertility OR
Infertility - IVF Veterans

I am considering ORM or Cleveland Clinic for first IVF. Any advice you are willing to share? Protocol differences (in addition to CGH/FET)... I noticed were CCRM used ultrasound guided transfer and seemed to have a better ICSI fertilization rate.