Still Waiting...

Nothing new here. Still waiting. Still waiting.

The weekend was stressful for a variety of reasons, and surprisingly work wasn't one of them!
It's tough dealing with this waiting game (and this entire process) when most of my friends already have little ones. I guess it's hard to remember those pre-kid days when you have someone screaming "mommy, mommy" at you 20 zillion times a day. :)

Sometimes the silence at home is deafening.

On the upside, a friend and I are having a girl's-spa-evening on Thursday. Regardless of my beta results, it'll be nice to get out and do some fun girly stuff.

The bloat

Ok people. If I had said before that these meds are messing with my head, NOW they're messing with my body. I am so incredibly bloated today I swear I look 4 months preggo already. Seriously. Now if that's not an evil mind game, I don't know what is.

My new resolution is a) to enjoy a pregnancy if I am indeed pregnant, or b) join a gym and Weight Watchers upon getting a negative beta.

What in the world did women do in the (prehistoric) days before spandex, modal, elastic and lycra? Wear mu-mus? Togas?

The minivan

As some of you might know, we own a minivan. We don't have kids. This usually brings on the questions of "What in the world are you doing with a minivan?" "When are you having kids?" and "Where are the soccer stickers?". I do have to confess tho, we love the van.
It's a 2006 Honda Odyssey EX.
Here is my top 10 list of reason to own a minivan if you don't have kids.
10. can haul lots of stuff from Home Dep*t.
9. including sheets of drywall... flat.
8. landscaping? Need trees? No problem!
7. great for visiting relatives, no need to take 2 cars.
6. it's a comfortable 'road unit' for long road trips.
5. great for hauling dogs on vacation.
4. makes trips to those warehouse clubs easier.
3. easy to travel with D's friends on their 'man weekend' trip. I don't know many vehicles that can comfortably seat 5 men over 6'.
2. instant 'stupid points' for driving mistakes like turning R from the L turn lane (not that I've ever done that locally...)
1. because we *might* have kids. If we do, it'll be perfect.

(ahhh, that eternal optimism. It'll get ya every time.)

News Just In: P4 update

I got The Call with my progesterone results from this morning. It's an absolutely decent 34.9.

Why it's not 80 I have no idea? The nurse seemed to think that was ok, and said that they liked to see anything over a 15. Ok.

Now we get to sit back, "relax" and wait for next Thursday's beta, which couldn't possibly come a moment too soon.

The drugs are messing with my head.

Seriously. I've spent the whole day tired. Like hard to keep my eyes open tired. A nap sounded luxurious around 2pm. I secretly willed people not to come into the store so I wouldn't have to help them. Ugh. I'm not exactly complaining, just trying to give everyone the full picture. So in the spirit of that, I've been wearing lots of layers b/c the highbeams are on! ROTFL. If you have to ask, I'm not explaining. I think everything thusfar is from the PIO shots.

Speaking of, they're getting worse. Turns out my butt does not like repeated shots in the same vicinity. Fancy that! Tomorrow is my 7dpER progesterone blood draw. I'll post the numbers then. As a reminder, over 10 indicates ovulation, and on a medicated cycle they want something crazy high, preferably over 20. Hell, I'm doing these shots, it BETTER be a nice-n-high number!

PUPO

Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise!!!

I'm trying to go by that mantra until the beta on 3/2. My mom asked this morning if I have any morning sickness yet (clearly she doesn't know the details about these things). That answer would be no. It was nice to get out of the house this afternoon, if only to Lo*es for supplies. D and his dad are building a room in our basement for the cat boxes (we have six, yeah, I know.) w/ special ventiliation and such. Very exciting! Not quite a nursery, but I'll take what I can get at this point. It's a nice distraction.

PIO: the naked truth

That would be Progesterone In Oil for the uninitiated. It's an evil necessity after an ET in an IVF cycle. The needle is disturbingly large. Almost as disturbing as how far it can go in my butt (upper /outer buttock/hip area, to be specific). I have to do the PIO shots each evening for the next 12 weeks. Ugh. Well, honestly they aren't that bad. I was expecting the worst. You should hear what people say about these bad boys over on that site we all love to hate!

Other than the PIO being surprisingly uneventful, things here have been pretty dull. It's day 2 of bedrest, and I just got done watching Mean Girls w/ Lind*ey L*han. Makes me glad I didn't go to public school, that's for sure!

Embryo Transfer update!

I'll cut to the chase and give the report: today we transferred our 2 embryos. 1 4 cell grade A and 1 2 cell grade B.

I asked the embryologist how things went-- because aren't we all curious about the gory details of my eggs and the embryos? Yeah, I thought so. So, as I was saying... Of the 4 eggs that were mature, 2 were 'abnormal'. She said that they don't as a rule grade eggs, but she had observed that mine were, compared to others 'poor to fair'. I had suspected that *something* was screwy on my end, but this just confirms my thoughts.

The technical side of all of this really is fascinating. It's when I think of the reality of it that I get nervous. Saying things like: "Today we picked up our kids." or what I told my mom " We brought your grandchildren home today." (lol) The possibility of what is at the end of this road is both an unknown and new territory. I know what it's like to be disappointed / devastated / crushed at the BFN (big fat negative, in reference to a negative pregnancy test) at the end of a long cycle. I know what it's like to still keep trying. I know what it's like to come home everyday to a quiet house.

I don't know what it's like to look into little eyes and see yourself. I don't know what it's like to feel the promise of new life inside me, kicking. I don't know anything about the sleepless nights or smelly diapers.

Sometimes the known world is more comfortable, even if it's a bit painful and breaks our hearts.

Maybe this will work, but I'm really trying not to get too caught up in the world of possibility. (easier said than done, and you should see my bookmarks!)

Day 1 of bedrest... so far so good.

News Just In: Fert. Report

I got a call this morning from the lab with the fertilization report. (It's more fun to say "fert report".)
7 eggs retrieved
4 mature
2 able to be fertilized with ICSI.

Ugh.

They are putting those 2 back tomorrow at 7:30am.

Then we WAIT FOR TWO WEEKS.

I'm not particularly optimistic at the moment, but it does only take one, and we have two. *shrug*.

ER (egg retrieval)

Other than it taking us an hour and 20 minutes to get to the RE's office, everything went very smoothly this morning. The usual commute time is 20 minutes. Yeah. Not. Fun.

They rushed us right in in fear that my eggs might have released already. Thankfully they were still there, but only 7 were retrieved. Some of the follicles were empty.

It was not as bad as I had thought. Only mild discomfort, a little crampy, and rather quick. Now, the aftermath is a bit different. I tend to not react well to anesthetics. I've been nauseus all day and only puked in the car on the way home. Fear not, I came prepared with several 'puke bags' just in case.

I am still crampy and nauseus, and my mouth feels like I have a really bad hangover (cotton mouth). I might go take a nap now.

Next report will be tomorrow when they call to give us the fertilization report and tell us whether we'll have a 3 or 5 day transfer. I'd imagine a 3day because there are only 7 eggs, but we'll see.

Thanks for checking in!

The last of the shots

This morning was my last of the little shots. The evening of the retrieval I get to start the 'big guns' AKA the progesterone in oil (PIO) shots. Usually someone else gives them to you, but we all know I'm not that lucky. And even if I were so lucky to not have a husband who might pass out at the sight of a needle, I'm not sure if I'd want him poking my butt with a big needle. :-)

yup... got eggs!

The nurse didn't say what my estrogen (E2) level was... but I get to trigger tomorrow at 10pm for a THURSDAY 2/15 retrieval! I'm trying not to think about the actual procedure. Like I actually have a choice about it at this point. It's just a little blip in the grand scheme to have a little baby of our very own. I continue the meds tonight and tomorrow am, and that's the last shot until the trigger, then I get a day off. One whole day shot free! Like vacation... or winning the lottery... but different.
I'm getting excited. I'm getting nervous. I'm getting bloated and gassy, too. But you didn't need to know that, now did you?

Mon am, got eggs?

This morning I had 10 egglets, and they all looked good. Most were in the 15mm range. I get to wait for the afternoon call with further instructions. The RE mentioned triggering tomorrow with a Thursday retrieval, but we'll see what they say this afternoon. I'll keep everyone posted of course.

still growing

Saturday's appt went fine. I have 8 follicles growing. On Sat they were in the 13mm range which is right on target. I'm a little worried that there are 'only' 8 (I'm greedy, more is better. Especially in this situation!) but everyone has said that that was fine. Next appt is Monday am.

Tonight my inlaws got here (my doting angels) 2 days in advance because of the looming winter storm. Right now the weather guys say we could get up to 12" of snow. WOW! We'll see.
Hopefully we aren't caught right in the middle of it trying to make the retrieval appt.

I'm growing egglets

I have a nice quarter sized bruise compliments of myself. Well, I wasn't paying attention when doing the shot(s) last night and hit a vein. Woops.

Today I got a bit pinned on the sofa by an orange cat and a couple little dogs. This is of note becuase the cat was punching on my tummy and it felt distinctly different. Apparently I'm growing some eggs and thus the discomfort. Well other than having a 12lb cat on my tummy, but that's not as unusual as you might think!

lookin' good

The appt this morning was a quickie. The u/s showed 8-10 little follicles growing nicely in the 10mm range. Great news though- the cyst didn't show up AT ALL on the scan! I have no idea how that happened, but hey, as long as everything looks good, I'm not one to complain. My bloodwork came back well also- E2 is at 323. Perfect.
All meds are to stay the same and they want me back Sat am for another u/s.

The message on my machine this afternoon said a projected Egg Retrieval (ER) could be as early as Tuesday 2/14. Happy Valentines Day. Then of course there's the whole 3 day versus 5 day transfer decision to be made. We'll know more when we see how many fertilize, etc.

fun with needles

My first experience with mixing all of the meds was, um, interesting. I wasn't coherent enough to do everything this morning, so I took the bag of meds to work with me this morning. (yes, I work on saturdays) I had to mix 4 vials of men*pur and br*velle together, then give the shot. It burned like a mofo!!!!! It was a good thing that we were slow today. Perhaps because noone wanted to go out in the -10 weather. Brrr!
My first ultrasound (u/s) is on Wednesday, so we have to wait until then to find out if the drugs are working and I'm growing lots of egglets.
Joy.

All systems are a go!

Even though the cyst is still there, I have been ok'd to proceed with the cycle! The cyst has shrunk to 24mm (down from 29), and my estradiol is looking good, too.
This means I get to start the bravell* and menop*r on Saturday. I am *almost* looking forward to giving myself 3 shots a day. I'm sure it'll be a piece of cake in the grand scheme of things.