I'll cut to the chase and give the report: today we transferred our 2 embryos. 1 4 cell grade A and 1 2 cell grade B.
I asked the embryologist how things went-- because aren't we all curious about the gory details of my eggs and the embryos? Yeah, I thought so. So, as I was saying... Of the 4 eggs that were mature, 2 were 'abnormal'. She said that they don't as a rule grade eggs, but she had observed that mine were, compared to others 'poor to fair'. I had suspected that *something* was screwy on my end, but this just confirms my thoughts.
The technical side of all of this really is fascinating. It's when I think of the reality of it that I get nervous. Saying things like: "Today we picked up our kids." or what I told my mom " We brought your grandchildren home today." (lol) The possibility of what is at the end of this road is both an unknown and new territory. I know what it's like to be disappointed / devastated / crushed at the BFN (big fat negative, in reference to a negative pregnancy test) at the end of a long cycle. I know what it's like to still keep trying. I know what it's like to come home everyday to a quiet house.
I don't know what it's like to look into little eyes and see yourself. I don't know what it's like to feel the promise of new life inside me, kicking. I don't know anything about the sleepless nights or smelly diapers.
Sometimes the known world is more comfortable, even if it's a bit painful and breaks our hearts.
Maybe this will work, but I'm really trying not to get too caught up in the world of possibility. (easier said than done, and you should see my bookmarks!)
Day 1 of bedrest... so far so good.